Mork: (Mork`s emotions are out of control. His solution is to introduce them to Mindy`s emotions) OK guys, come on over here
(mimes football huddle)
(leaps back over to Mindy)
Mindy McConnell: Well?
Mork: I`ve got mixed emotions.
(alarm for Mork`s wristwatch which he wears round his ankle goes off)
Mindy McConnell: Ah, your foot`s ringing. I`ll get it.
(bends down and pushes button on watch, pulls out small piece of paper under watch strap)
Mindy McConnell: What`s this piece of paper?
Mork: Must be a footnote.
Customer: (Mork has taken a job working in a health food shop) My doctor says I need to get more iron in my diet, now what do you suggest?
Mork: Eat your car keys.
Eugene: (Seeing Holly for the first time) She sure is a doll.
Mork: An android maybe, but not a doll.
Eugene: No, that`s not what I meant. A cute chick, a fox. Real hot stuff.
Mork: Ohh, a fox.
(makes noise like barking hound)
Holly: (Mork places his hand on Holly`s forehead) Why are you doing that?
Mork: Well, Eugene said you were hot stuff, you`re actually only 98.4.
Mork: If Holly liked him so much, how come she punched him and told him he was weird.
Mindy McConnell: Boys and girls often punch or push or hit each other as a sign of affection.
Mork: Punching and pushing and calling someone names means you like them?
Mindy McConnell: Yeah, it can.
Mork: Then the cowboys and Indians are lovers?
Mork: (Eugene has just said that he needs to tell him something important) Well, come on, I`m waiting here with a worm on my tongue.
Mork: Baited breath.
Politician: You know I`d like to thank you for the time and trouble in bringing this to my attention. Before you go, I would like to present you with one of my souvenir pens.
Mork: Look, if I wanted a pen and coffee I`d have mugged a waitress. You know what, I don`t need any more pens. Look at this.
(Mork pulls a handful of pens out of his jacket pocket)
Mork: And look at that, it`s a Ronald Reagan pen, it`s got no point
Mindy McConnell: Mork, why are you building a tower of Cheerios?
Mork: Because it`s hard to stack oatmeal.
Mindy McConnell: (Mork and Mindy are trapped in a giant birdcage facing certain death) Mork, I have something to confess to you. When you were out one day, I...I...I put on your spacesuit.
Mork: (shocked) The helmet, too?
Mindy McConnell: Boots and all!
Mork: (after Mork has had a chance to absorb this revelation) Well, Mindy, I have something to confess to you.
(Mindy grows more and more shocked as she connects the dots)
Mindy McConnell: (Mork has proposed, and after chatting with Fred and Cora, she decides to not marry Mork) I guess what I`m really trying to say is... I can`t marry you
Mork: Mind`, That`s a joke right, like the volunteer army? Ha ha ha... R R R!... R R Rrrr.
Miss Geezba: Stand up straight, Mork.
Miss Geezba: And don`t forget that book report.
Mork: Yeah.. yes, ma`am. I`m doing it on the wit and wisdom of Richard Nixon. It`ll be a one-page essay.
Exidor: (Exidor is trying to get Mork`s memory back) All right, Mork, put your hands in front of your face, and repeat after me. "Oh, no, please don`t."
Mork: Oh, no, please don`t... oh...
Exidor: (Exidor takes a poster off Mindy`s wall and smashes it over Mork`s head) Too late.
Cora Hudson: That man is an absolute raving lunatic.
Exidor: Madam, you flatter me.
Mork: (excited) Wait a minute, I`ve got to show you something. I`ve already picked out my bumper sticker.
(runs into bedroom and returns with a whole car bumper)
Todd Norman Taylor aka TNT: (reading the sticker) "Aliens make better lovers".
Mork: And look at this one here. "Horn if you`re a honky".
Mearth: (seeing that the apartment has been filled with expensive toys) Mammy, the tooth fairy *has* been keeping up with inflation.
Mindy McConnell: (sarcastic) Gee, I wonder who could be behind all this.
Mork: (Mork jumps out of a huge box in the middle of the room) Surprise!
Mindy McConnell: No, not really.
Mork: (referring to the Exidor Boutique, in which Mork invested all of their savings) Come on, Mind, Exidor *knows* what he`s doing.
Exidor: (storming out of the dressing room, talking to his imaginary friend) What do you mean the mannequins want a coffee break? They just had one ten minutes ago and all they did was dribble.
Exidor: (to Mork) Partner. Glad to see you brought the little woman.
Mindy McConnell: We want our money back now, and don`t call me the little woman.
Mork: What she`s trying to say is, Exidor, we`ve had a change of heart, you know like when Annie Richards wanted to change dressing rooms.
Exidor: I`ve only been open two hours. Even Evita didn`t pay off its backers that fast.
Mindy McConnell: We want our money back.
Exidor: Look, business is a little slow but we`re gonna have our two-for-one sale. Buy two, get one. Who could resist that?
Mindy McConnell: That is the most ridiculous thing I`ve ever heard.
Exidor: Listen, Perky, are you insinuating I`m some kind of crack-pot? Well, that`s what they said about David Rockefeller.
Mindy McConnell: Nobody ever said that about David Rockefeller.
Exidor: *I* did...
(suddenly looks the other way)
Exidor: Pepe, pepe. You call yourself a tailor? Just lengthen the sleeve don`t clip his nails
(Exidor storms off with "Pepe")
Louise Bailey: (in a jail cell with Mindy) Funny the way things happen. I`m in here because of a silly old parking meter.
Mindy McConnell: You`re kidding!
Louise Bailey: No, I went into a hardware store and when I came out, *there* was a policeman writing me a ticket.
Mindy McConnell: I don`t believe it, they threw you in jail for a parking ticket.
Louise Bailey: Well, in a roundabout way. You see when I put the shovel in the trunk, Walter`s arm fell out.
Mindy McConnell: Who`s Walter?
Louise Bailey: My husband.
Mindy McConnell: What was he doing in the trunk?
Louise Bailey: Not much... he was dead. I warned him about his snoring for years but he just wouldn`t believe me. So last night I took a pair of my very best pantyhose, and I wrapped them around his neck... real tight. You know it was the first good night`s sleep I`ve had in 31 years.
Mindy McConnell: (Mindy gets up and walks across to the other side of the cell) Well, you look well rested.
Louise Bailey: You don`t snore, do you, dear?
Franklin Delano Bickley: That`s diddly, he`s just going out of town, I`m going out of business. I used to be the best greeting card writer around. I can`t work any more.
Mindy McConnell: Oh, come on, we don`t make that much noise.
Franklin Delano Bickley: I know, I was blaming it on you but it`s time i faced it. I`ve lost it.
Mork: We could form a posse and find it if you want.
Franklin Delano Bickley: No, it`s no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not any more.
(pulls a card from his pocket)
Franklin Delano Bickley: Listen to this. "Your pet rabbit died. Poor little muffet. Your two choices are, eat it or stuff it".
Mork: Aww, that`s sad.
Exidor: (looks away from Mork) Mork! Is that you?
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