Lorelai: Luke, will you marry me?
Lorelai: Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the going to Yale.
Dave: What we need is a name.
Brian: I made my suggestion.
Zach: Yeah, and we vetoed "The Harry Potters." Next.
Brian: So yours is better?
Zach: "Follow Them to the Edge of the Dessert" is memorable and classy.
Brian: I run out of breath every time I say it.
Zach: You`ve got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name
Emily: You were on the phone?
Richard: Long distance.
Lorelai: God lives in London?
Richard: My mother lives in London.
Lorelai: Your mother is God?
Lorelai: So, God *is* a woman.
Lorelai: *And* a relative. That`s so cool. I`m gonna totally ask for favors
Rory: So, Grandpa, how`s the insurance biz?
Richard: Oh, people die, we pay. People crash, we pay. People lose a foot, we pay.
Lorelai: Well, at least you have your new slogan.
Jackson: I think we should get married.
Sookie: But - uh, but...
Sookie: Are you pregnant?
Dean: We sat down and started reading a book and we fell asleep.
Lorelai: Well, pick a more interesting book next time
Rory: Please, just tell me why you`re here.
Dean: I don`t even know...
Rory: Yes, you do!
Dean: Because I thought that you? Oh, forget it.
Dean: I thought you were trying to talk to me.
Dean: I mean, you came to my house?
Rory: Oh, no that? that wasn`t me.
Dean: It *was* you.
Rory: It must have been someone that looked like me...
Dean: My sister recognized you from the pictures in my box.
Rory: What box?
Dean: The box I have of us, pictures and letters from you and everything...
Rory: You have a Rory box?
Dean: And what was going on at that town meeting, all that stuff about writing a song?
Rory: I don`t know what I was talking about...
Dean: And it had nothing to do with me?... Well, I must have imagined it all, then. Your boyfriend is waiting.
Rory: He`s not my boyfriend, I *hate* him!
Rory: Because I love you, you idiot!
Mrs. Kim: Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces
Michel: Are you sure it wasn`t another Michel?
Sookie: You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye For the Straight Guy and by the time I got back, they were all gay!
Finn: Good morning, New Haven! My, you look lovely this morning!
Man in apartment: Shut up!
Finn: God has spoken to me... rather rudely.
Mrs. Kim`s Foriegn Exchange Student: What are we doing here?
Lane: I`ve tried to explain it to her but it is not working.
Rory: We are throwing my grandmother a bachelorette party.
Mrs. Kim`s Foriegn Exchange Student: But She is Married.
Rory: Yeah, but, they are doing it again.
Mrs. Kim`s Foriegn Exchange Student: but why?
Rory: Because, they want to tell each other they love each other all over again.
Mrs. Kim`s Foriegn Exchange Student: But why?
Rory: `cause they do.
Mrs. Kim`s Foriegn Exchange Student: But why?
Rory: Because its fun.
Mrs. Kim`s Foriegn Exchange Student: But why?
(looks at Lane)
Lane: Hey, you even lasted one more "but why" than I did.
Lorelai: Hi Lane!
Lane: You`re in possession.
Lorelai: Of what?
Lane: Of the wedding dress.
Lorelai: Oh, um yeah, it`s safe and sound. I was just starting to dig into it.
Lane: Don`t dig! Slice, kick, maim, destroy!
Lane: Stick a mad pack of wolves on it, douse it with lighter fluid and turn it into ash, I cannot wear that dress!
Lorelai: Yeah I know. It`s a little old world.
Lane: Have you looked at it?
Lorelai: Parts of it.
Lane: Exactly, you can`t take it in all at once, the human eye is not capable.
Lorelai: Oh, it`s not that bad.
Lane: Its got pants.
Lorelai: (intakes breath) No!
Lane: You didn`t look at it very carefully.
Lorelai: Well, I will remove the pants.
Lane: Oh, it`s every girl`s dream to hear the woman altering her wedding dress say "I`ll remove the pants."
Lorelai: I`m sure once I alter it a little...
Lane: No don`t alter it, have and accident! Leave a warm iron on it, spill a vat of acid on it, run your car over it!
Lorelai: Lane. Lane! I haven`t even put it on the mannequin yet. Let me startwork on it and I will keep you fully posted every step of the way.
(Later Lorelai is looking at the awful thing, picks up the hoop skirt end and notices the tiny white pants with gold trim underneath, steps away for a second then steps back and spills the coffee she is holding all over it)
Luke: (Lorelai is whining because the noisy workers have left without saying goodbye) I thought you`d be happy!
Lorelai: Yeah, I am, but sad at the same time. Never been with a woman before?
Zach: Welcome to the SH, b*tch.
Lane: (upset and exasperated with the results of her career aptitude test) Sales!
Rory: It`s just a stupid test.
Lane: Lane Kim, you show a genuine aptitude for sales!
Rory: (trying to placate Lane) It doesn`t mean anything!
Lane: (speaking even faster than normal) Hello, ma`am, I see you`re eyeing the new Whipomatic! Nice Choice! This baby`s right off the truck! And let me tell you if you`re looking for something to fulfill all your whipping needs, you`ve come to the right place, because as Devo says, "When trouble comes along you must whip it!" As long as you whip it with a Whipomatic.
Rory: (bemused) Wow, you *are* good.
Lane: Stop it!
Rory: I`ll take two.
Lane: I don`t want to be in sales.
Rory: You don`t have to be.
Lane: I want to be in something cool!
Rory: How about refrigerators?
Lane: You`re not funny!
Lorelai: Yes, Dad?
Richard: May I speak to you for a moment?
Michel: (under his breath; in a sing-song voice) Someone is in trouble.
Luke: (rushing to leave the diner so he can remove the chuppah from Lorelai`s yard after she and Max break up) Hey, we`re closing early! Chew it or lose it!
(Lorelai is bummed over an argument with Luke and doesn`t know what to do with her evening)
Rory: Mom, you have to do something.
Lorelai: I need a suggestion.
Rory: Have you read "The Bell Jar"?
Lorelai: (gasps) Not funny!
(Lorelai and Rory haven`t seen each other in a while because of their busy schedules, and are talking on the phone about it)
Lorelai: I`m mad and needy, and I ended up going out to dinner alone with my parents, who bickered the whole time about which Beatle is alive and which is dead.
Rory: So, where`d they land?
Lorelai: John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking.
Rory: (on phone with Lorelai) I told you to call my landline. My cell phone bill is astronomical.
Lorelai: But a conversation with me - priceless.
Christopher: Who could not like being kissed by a Gilmore girl?
Michel: Every day that you breathe you make my life harder.
Lorelai: (to Rory) You`ve got Bambi voice.
Lorelai: Well, as Maid of Honor, if you`re not there I`m gonna have to get drunk and make out with the best man, who is Rory, so you can see all the very creepy ramifications of your absence here.
Lorelai: Stop saying "mother" like that.
Rory: Like what?
Lorelai: Like there should be another word after it.
(Kirk is preparing for a date, and wants to get the best seat at Luke`s)
Kirk: Say I was Tom Cruise. Where would you seat me?
Luke: In an acting class.
Lorelai: Rory took a break from Yale.
Christopher: And the apocalypse is this week? Next week?
Lorelai: (while on the phone with each other, Lorelei and Rory are watching their Roombas together) Is this more or less fun than watching the same TV show at the same time?
Rory: I think more.
Lorelai: If we were to die right now and decompose, they would vacuum us up. No one would ever know.
Logan: You can do anything. You just have to believe in yourself. Did we learn nothing from "Mad Hot Ballroom"?
Lorelai: (on Michel) He`s snarky.
Sookie: And sarcastic.
Lorelai: He`s snarkastic.
Sookie: I got the idea in a dream. I was back in cooking school, and I was late for my final, so I run over to an oven and I open it up and sitting there is the s`mores wedding cake. And I present it to my teacher, and he starts weeping, and the whole class starts applauding and cheering. And then, of course, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise come leaping out of the cake screaming about how amazing it is, so that made the whole thing a little creepy, but up until then...
Rory: (at town meeting, during the town-troubadour debate) ... sometimes you have something you need to say but you can`t, because the words won`t come out or you get scared or you feel stupid. So, if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn`t make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can`t be songwriters, so some of us will never be able to say what we`re thinking or what we want other people to know we`re thinking, so we`ll never be able to get the chance to make things right again...
Paris: I could really call you?
Lorelai: Anytime. Anywhere.
Paris: I`m gonna hold you to that.
Lorelai: Okay. It`s not a threat, sweetie if someone makes the offer willingly.
Luke: You`re not a contractor, you`re a craftsman!
T.J.: Wow. I`m a craftsman! Like Jesus!
Mrs. Kim: (talking to relative at a Kim wedding) Ming-Jei. Look good. Lost weight. Not so fat.
Paris: Sick people freak me out.
Rory: You`re pre-med!
Richard: Has anyone ever told you to picture the audience in their underwear?
Richard: Don`t do it. I tried it once and had nightmares for weeks. Bulgarians in Speedos.
Rory: Whoa, Logan, where are we going? Slow down!
Logan: You slow down, you die.
Rory: Yeah, you go to fast in heels and you kind of die, also.
Paris: (talking to her maid in Portuguese about eating at Rory`s) Mucho Mac n` cheese!
(Jess and Rory are walking to that bridge thing and Jess sits down)
Jess: I like this place.
Rory: Wow. A place in Stars Hollow you actually like.
Jess: And it has so many memories... see over there?
Jess: That`s where Luke pushed me in.
Luke: I`ll bring back brownies.
Lorelai: Ooh, the pouting has left the building.
Jackson: You better be as pathetic as you sound.
Kirk: You bet.
Lorelai: Women don`t eat at all. They just look at food then jump on the treadmill.
Lorelai: Oh! One of them has seen Ghostbusters a hundred and twenty-seven times.
Lorelai: Can you say score?
Kirk: I love carrot sticks, especially the crinkle cut kind.
Sookie: (to Lorelai about Luke) He has had to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement was on, and then the engagement was off, and patiently, he`s waited. And in walks this kid and he says "My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she`ll date me?"
Kirk: Man, I wish my mom would let me have a car, or a bike... or my roller skates back.