(to her friend after agreeing with Eric to a subtle approach)
Gladys Bink: You are such a liar!
(Eric looks dumbfounded)
Gladys Bink: Subtle never really worked for me.
(as Annie bangs her head into a wall after being told her father is remarrying)
Eric: Honey, honey, not now. I-I don`t know how to plaster.
(as Eric bangs his head into a wall during a visit from both of their parents)
Annie: Honey, honey, not now. I don`t have time to plaster.
Matt: What`s wrong with Luce?
Mary: God hates her.
Matt: Still? You`d think after 13 years he`d move on to someone else.
(Eric is banging his head against the wall)
Annie: Could you not do that, honey? I don`t have time to plaster.
Guy: Stupid Americans.
Eric, Annie, Ruthie, Simon, Mary, Lucy, Matt: (all at same time) We heard that!
Simon: Okay, okay I`m flexible.
Ruthie: I don`t think I`ll be wearing this hat any more.
Simon: (completely unaware that his sister dropped it in the toilet) Hey, I`ll take it.
Ruthie: Martin Brewer loves me, finally.
Lucy: (after seeing Sandy`s mother and stepfather) I think I liked the drunk father better.
Eric: He certainly was warmer.
Martin Brewer: I made a mistake. A big mistake.
Beau: Everyone makes mistakes.
Martin Brewer: Not like this one... I got a girl pregnant and I`m gonna be a father.
Chandler Hampton: Female logic is fascinating.
Matt: Come on! We can`t have a caper like that and keep secrets from each other. Come on! We`re brothers.
Lucy: Is there anything you want to tell me?
Simon: Aren`t you that Camden who finds out everything last? You know, `cause if I change something as basic to the family structure as that, this family might just fall apart.
Lucy: I doubt it.
Lucy: Today, I am not your daughter, your sister or your wife, I am Lucy Kinkirk. The Reverend Lucy Kinkirk.
Matt: (to Kevin) Consider this your initiation in to the Camden family. It`s one thing to give my sister a ring, marry her and father a child. It`s another thing, a better thing to join her brother in a good old-fashioned family caper.
Lucy Camden: (to Kevin about Roxanne and Chandler dating) This is all your fault! You brought home that...
(Kevin clamps his hand over her mouth)
Chandler Hampton: Surely you don`t think Roxanne is what you were just about to call her?
Kevin Kinkirk: No, she doesn`t.
Lucy Camden: (at the same time) Yes, I do.
Annie: There is one thing I`ve noticed about teenage boys from watching your sisters, and that is they all come back. Sooner or later, all of them come back.
Gladys Bink: They`re all nuts!
Ruthie: (to Robbie and Lucy) By the power invested in me, in *me*, I now pronounce you a couple. You may now kiss you ex-girlfriend`s sister. You know, you guys should really go on a talk show.
Simon: I guess my inner voice was telling me... you`re going to hell anyway for killing that guy... so I might as well have sex.
Eric: You know in some ways your mother hasn`t changed since the day I married her over twenty years ago.
Matt: And in other ways?
Eric: She`s mean. Really, really mean.
Eric: Mary, he`s French, not deaf.
Mary: Why can`t you talk to me?
Wilson West: No offense, but you`re not in the club.
Simon: Ruthie... how ya doing?
Ruthie: Fine, how are you doing?
Simon: Fine... but I`m not in school.
Simon: Wait... how is school?
Ruthie: Fine, except for algerbra.
Simon: You`re lying... no one said anything to you about me?
Ruthie: Well, why would they?
Simon: Becase I`m your brother and... the kid on the bike was your age.
Ruthie: He didn`t go to my school.
Simon: Look, you don`t have to protect me. I have it easier than you, I`m not in school.
Ruthie: (hugs him) Simon, no one has it harder than you.
(about himself to a patient)
Matt: The vampire returns..
Eric: Do you want me to help?
Simon: Do I want you to help me? Of course, I want you to help me. But you can`t. I have to be a grown up tonight.
Ruthie: You`ve got money, you`ve got new clothes, and women are unexplainably attracted to you. Are you Spiderman or something?
Kevin Kinkirk: So what if Lucy is stubborn and slightly insane.
(Eric and Annie are taking Ruthie into school for her first day of Kindergarten)
Ruthie: You took him?
Eric: We took all of you.
Ruthie: He told me he took a cab and paid for it all by himself.
Eric: Cabs are very cheap on Planet Simon.
Simon: (to Deena) What about Ruthie as Maid of Honor?
Ruthie: No thanks. I don`t want to be anyone`s maid. I don`t clean good. No elbow power.
Annie: The fact that my kid is more concerned with the punishment than the crime tells me something. And you know what it tells me? My kid is a weenie.
Mary: So I guess I`m grounded for life?
Annie: That`s a given.
Simon: What`s for breakfast?
Annie: Any cereal in the cupboard you want.
Lucy: If you ever want to make detective, you have to be a whole lot nosier.
Annie: You want a piece of me? I brought seven kids into this world, I can take one out.
Eric: Don`t try to ruin a perfectly good night of spying on the kids with logic.
(Eric is telling Annie about the nightmare he had)
Eric: I was marrying Kevin and Lucy in my underwear.
Annie: I need to talk to you in the living room.
Sam: You`re in trouble. Tell her you`re sorry and you`ll never do it again.
Eric: I don`t think that will work for me.
David: Tell her Happy did it.
Eric: I don`t think that will work for me either.
Roxanne Richardson: Aren`t you ministers supposed to preach forgiveness?
Lucy Camden: I`m not a minister yet, I don`t preach anything.
Annie: Who is in the hospital?
Eric: The hospitalized.
Eric: You expect me to believe that you have to choose between family and that low life, cradle-robbing sky jockey?
Kevin Kinkirk: Lucy Camden, will you marry me?
Lucy Camden: (to God) Thank you.
Lucy Camden: Yes, Kevin Kinkirk, I will marry you.
(about Ben`s girlfriends)
Kevin Kinkirk: There`s always something wrong with the girls you pick.
Ben Kinkirk: What about Mary?
Kevin Kinkirk: I rest my case.
Jimmy Moon: Are you crazy?
Lucy Camden: Crazy like a fox, my friend.
Lucy Camden: I told you something bad was going to happen. When she`s in the middle of her crab legs, it`ll suddenly occur to her that Chandler is not the guy for her and she`ll find us and... Oh my God. She said he was going to ask her to marry him. Ugh. I hate her. I hate him too. They don`t even know each other. Kevin and I know each other. We`re in love with each other. We should be getting engaged tonight. Not them. I may look like the crazy person, but they`re the crazy people. Crazy people who are going to get married before I do. When I see Kevin, he is so going to get a piece of my heart. He probably knows Chandler is going to propose to her and that`s why he is being nice and going through all this trouble.
Kevin: She`s crazy.
Sam, David: *Cra-zy*.
Kevin: But I love her.
Sam, David: We love her too.
Matt: The only thing worse than a lecture from Dad...
Mary: ...is a lecture from the Colonel.
(Ben is talking to Ruthie on the phone)
Ruthie: My parents can`t get divorced, you big ape, I won`t let them!
Sam Camden: I wanna see Lucy bein` a preacher.
Lucy Camden: Sunday is not the new Saturday night.