Eric: A mother feeding her child is the most beautiful picture in the world.
Annie: Do you have any idea how much this hurts?
Ruthie: You`re the worst babysitter I ever had.
Simon: That`s not what you said two hours ago.
Ruthie: Yeah, well that was before you made me wear the staircase.
Mary: Is there a law against beating up you brother? Cause I swear, I`ll get arrested.
(about Simon) Annie: As soon as I get some rest, the little blond boy is mine.
Ruthie: Bad words make me sound bad.
Simon: No, bad words make you sound stupid.
Ruthie: You two better not make a lot of noise and wreck my date.
Simon: It`s not a date, it`s a play date. You`re eight. I`m going on a date.
Annie: It`s not a date, you`re twelve. It`s a birthday dinner.
(Annie is showing Ruthie her baby book)
Annie: See my tummy? That`s you.
Ruthie: Maybe I never should have come out.
Annie: But... look what you would`ve missed... riding on Daddy`s shoulders... and Simon rocking you on the front porch... and Mary... giving you a bath in the kitchen sink.
Ruthie: My butt was a lot smaller then.
Annie: All of our... bottoms were a lot smaller then.
Annie: Give me your hand.
Eric: Why? Are you hurting?
Annie: (sarcastically) No. I`m feeling... romantic.
Simon: How ya doing, kid?
Lucy: Get out of my face.
Simon: You`re okay.
Ruthie: I`m going to be an inferior decorator.
Ruthie: Do you have to have special clothes to feel special? I just put on a clean pair of underwear and I feel great.
Simon: We`re all just pawns being manipulated by the corruption of politics and big business anyway. Knowing about our health and environment, we just make bigger gas guzzling SUV`s, package the... the food in plastic which leaches poisons into our bodies, sell arms to other countries, then declare war on them because they use them, and make paper towels and tissue? That`ll only promote waste.
(Eric is tucking his youngest sons in to bed)
Eric: I love you guys.
Sam: I love Spiderman.
David: I love Batman.
Eric: I love Batman too.
Sam: What about Spiderman?
Eric: I love him too.
David: Which do you love more?
Eric: I have no idea. Good night boys.
(tucks the boys in and steps into the hall)
Eric: That was the best conversation I had all day.
Lucy Camden: You`re right. They`re not officially engaged, but if they get married before us, you`re a dead man and they won`t have to get me a jury because I`ll proudly plead guilty.
Rev. Morgan Hamilton: We cannot fight hate with hate. What are we teaching our children today? That will make things better tomorrow?
Eric: There`s always going to be somebody who`ll try to take your dignity and self-esteem. Just never let them take your voice.
Annie: Ginger... somebody. What do you mean you don`t know? How can you not know? How many "Ginger"s do you have there? Is there a "Ginger" convention in town or something?
Eric: Well, the wind is real, but you can`t see the wind. You know, you can only see the leaves rustling in the trees. Pain is real but you can`t see pain. You can only see tears. Happiness is real, but you can`t see happiness. You can only see the smile on someone`s face.
Jordan: My mom`s not thrilled with the idea of teenagers of the opposite sex left together in a basement unchaperoned to sleep. I think it`s ridiculous. No-one`s going to do anything in a crowd, and if someone wants to have sex they`re going to find a way. They don`t have to go to a party to do it.
Eric: Yeah, if you don`t like their mood, wait 10 minutes.
Matt: This is Bernie, Mary Camden`s attorney.
Credit Card Collector: Mary Camden can`t afford to pay a $50 bill but she has an attorney?
Matt: I`m gonna be... a gynaecologist.
Annie: Well, he does love women.
Lucy Camden: I want to be a minister because I want to be like my dad. I want to do what he does, I want to be who he is in the community. I want to serve God and I want to serve mankind. And I believe that this is my purpose in life and I was guided to that purpose in a unique way, by being the daughter of a minister.
Eric: All right, Simon, I don`t like what you have been doing. And it`s really difficult to believe that after growing up in this family, you could just so easily abandon what you`ve been taught and what I think you believe and... I do love you, son, I do. I hate what you`ve been doing, but I love you.
Lucy Camden: I swear, you guys gossip more than old ladies.
Martin: Maybe someday I`ll marry a girl with a lot of brothers and sisters.
Ruthie: Yeah, maybe you will.
Martin Brewer: Ruthie`s like my sister.
Mac: Are you trying to convince me, or are you trying to convince yourself?
Annie: I`m losing a son-in-law whom I love and adore, and I`m getting... Rose?
Lucy Camden: I had no idea this was your life.
Mike Pierce: My life`s just fine and you know why? I`m alive... and I`m grateful for every second of every day.
Simon: Hey, what`s going on?
Ruthie: Go away.
Simon: Go away? Come on, it`s... it`s me, it`s Simon... I`m your favorite sibling, I`m the guy you shared a room with, let me in... come on, Cecilia already won`t talk to me, I can`t take you not talking to me too.
Simon: Who do you think you are, grabbing the phone out of my hand like that?
Ruthie: Someone who needed to make a phone call and I made it, so you can have your stupid phone back.
Simon: Isn`t it a rule in this house that we have to respect each other or at least pretend to respect each other?
Ruthie: Well, no one respects me. No one even pretends to.
Lucy Camden: This can`t be happening. This can`t be happening.
Mike Pierce: It is happening, wake up.
Ruthie: Good night, Simon, love you.
Simon: Yeah... I love you too... but you don`t have to say it every night.
Lucy: What kind of name is `Joy` anyway?
Mary: The kind of name that explains the look on Robbie`s face.
Annie: You may be weird, but at least you`ll all be my honest little weirdos.
Mary: Cheese covers a myriad of sins.
(the boys are talking to Annie)
Sam: I got a cookie under my pillow.
David: I already ate mine.
Annie: Why would you put a cookie under your pillow? Is it because there`s no place in the kitchen to put your cookies?
David: No, it`s for emergencies.
(Eric to Annie)
Eric: Are you aware that our living room is filled with children who don`t belong to us?
(Rabbi Glass telling Matt about his worst argument with Rosina)
Rabbi Richard Glass: Let me tell you something, man, those were the worst four minutes of my life.
Rev. Camden: You know what the scariest thing in my life is?
Simon: Those bowling shoes?
(Ben is reading Lucy`s diary)
Kevin Kinkirk: So, you`re snooping in the name of God?
Ruthie: Nice duds. Does Santa know you stole his elfs` pajamas?
Eric: You, Lucy Camden, are an outstanding person. And if they gave out an award for the best in the human race, you would win it year after year.
Eric: If you`ll excuse me, I have to put my head through a wall.
Lucy Camden: Sunday is not the new Saturday night.
Sam Camden: I wanna see Lucy bein` a preacher.
(Ben is talking to Ruthie on the phone)
Ruthie: My parents can`t get divorced, you big ape, I won`t let them!
Matt: The only thing worse than a lecture from Dad...
Mary: ...is a lecture from the Colonel.
Kevin: She`s crazy.
Sam, David: *Cra-zy*.
Kevin: But I love her.
Sam, David: We love her too.
Lucy Camden: I told you something bad was going to happen. When she`s in the middle of her crab legs, it`ll suddenly occur to her that Chandler is not the guy for her and she`ll find us and... Oh my God. She said he was going to ask her to marry him. Ugh. I hate her. I hate him too. They don`t even know each other. Kevin and I know each other. We`re in love with each other. We should be getting engaged tonight. Not them. I may look like the crazy person, but they`re the crazy people. Crazy people who are going to get married before I do. When I see Kevin, he is so going to get a piece of my heart. He probably knows Chandler is going to propose to her and that`s why he is being nice and going through all this trouble.