Paco: Hey Walter! I bet you fifty bucks Guy Grenouille throws a touchdown pass on the first play. Check it out!
Paco: (Guy Grenouille throws an interception) Woo hoo hoo hoo! You owe me fifty bucks!
Walter: You said it was gonna be a touchdown pass, you crazy a**h*le!
Bobby Boucher: (after Reading A Question About Benjamin Franklin) Ben Franklin
Young Bobby Boucher: (Flashback To Bobby`s Childhood) Mama, When Did Ben Franklin Invent Electricity?
Mama Boucher: That`s Nonsense, I Invented Electricity. Ben Franklin Is The Devil!
Dan Fouts: Bobby Boucher sure knocked the poop out of him.
Brent Musburger: (Looks at Dan) Poop?
Casey Bugge: He poked me in the eye!
Bobby Boucher: Captain Insano shows no mercy.
Coach Klein: (it`s half-time at the Bourbon Bowl and they`re in the locker room) Anybody got an idea?
Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?
Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How `bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw him into the stands?
Guy Grenouille: Y`all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass?
Farmer Fran: Remember the time Bobby Boucher...
(Begins to mumble in his southern drawl, and everybody stares at him)
Bobby Boucher: (Bobby shows up in the locker room by surprise) Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl do ya?
(Everybody starts cheering and shouting)
Guy Grenouille: I don`t want that loser on the team. Everybody`s gonna laugh at us.
Lyle Robideaux: Everybody already `is` laughing at us. We haven`t won a game since nineteen-ninetyFOUR.
Mama Boucher: (after Vicki Vallencourt mentions a football game) Foos-ball? Buncha overgrown monsters man-handlin` each other... `Member when dat man wanted you to play foos-ball, Bobby?
Dan Fouts: The waterboy just needed some water!
Brent Musburger: Wow Dan, did you come up with that all by yourself?
Dan Fouts: Shut up, Brent.
Coach Klein: (after football player spits loogie in water tank) Are you all right?
Bobby Boucher: I wasn`t gonna do nothin`, coach!
Coach Klein: Well ya better do something. You gotta stick up for yourself, Bobby.
Bobby Boucher: But what about the finally tuned athletic machine?
Coach Klein: I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage!
Townie: You can do it... you can do it all night loong!
Bobby Boucher: So that`s what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.
Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.
Mama Boucher: (to Bobby) You don`t have what they call "the social skills." That`s why you never have any friends, `cept fo` yo` mama.
Vicki Vallencourt: (after Bobby has gotten his test scores back) Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I`ll make sure to welcome you properly later.
Bobby Boucher: Once again, I`m not quite sure what that means.
Mama Boucher: Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye?
Bobby Boucher: No Mama, the search continues.
Bobby Boucher: Excuse me ladies while I just go hang myself.
Lynn Swann: You gonna add another championship trophy to the old case downstairs?
Coach Red Beaulieu: That`s kinda like my old man told me one time, Lynn. The only thing better than a crawfish dinner, is five crawfish dinners.
Guy Grenouille: Nice going sh*thead. You lost us the football game.
Bobby Boucher: Sorry. Will you please still be my friend?
Guy Grenouille: No, Get away.
(upon hearing that Bobby Boucher has been benched)
Townie: Oh, no! We s*ck again!
Mama Boucher: No son of mine is gonna play any foos-ball.
(after watching Bobby tackle a player)
Paco: Look at Bobby tackle. I haven`t seen a tackle like that since Joe Montana.
Walter: Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot.
Paco: I said Joe Mantegna.
Walter: Let`s kick some names and take some ass.
Coach Klein: Nice suit!
Bobby Boucher: Mama, something bad happened today.
Mama Boucher: (Pulls up a knife) Did somebody hurt you my boy?
Bobby Boucher: Look Who`s on TV mama... it`s the devil.
Bobby Boucher: Nice hit, Mama.
Mama Boucher: Thanks baby. Now you go on and have some fun becomin` a man.
Paco: I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with... with charm, athletic ability... or a fully functional brain. You see, you`re an inspriation, to all of us who... who weren`t born handsome, and charming and cool, and and...
(breaks out in tears)
Lawrence Taylor: Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don`t do crack.
Guy Grenouille: Hey, moron! Hey! Moron! Duh! L-L-Look at me. I`m th-th-the waterboy. Duh! I got a wooden spoon! Duh!
Greg Meaney: (Bobby pictures the people who tomented him in the past) Smells like you need a shower, stinky!
(Meaney laughs evily)
Coach Red Beaulieu: You`re fired!
(Red laughs evilly)
Bobby Boucher: (Captain Insano and Jim Simmonds laugh)
(Bobby becomes enraged)
Bobby Boucher: Stop makin` fun of me!
Guy Grenouille: Red thirty! Hut!
(Bobby chases Grenouille, screaming, then ramming and tackling him hard to the ground)
Coach Klein: (in amazement) Wow!
Derek Wallace: Damn!
Mama Boucher: You gonna lose all your fancy "fools` balls" games! And your gonna fail your big exam! Because school is?
Bobby Boucher: The devil?
Bobby Boucher: Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I`m gonna keep doin` them both because they make me feel good!
Bobby Boucher: (Bobby runs out, slamming the door, then comes back in) And by the way, Mama. "Alligators" are ornery `cause of their "Medula Oblongata"!
Bobby Boucher: (Bobby runs back out, then back in again) And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!
(slams door on Mama)
Bobby Boucher: My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.
Coach Klein: Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too.
Bobby Boucher: No, you people are drinkin the wrong water.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: Gatorade.
Bobby Boucher: H2O.
Coach Klein: (singing) Water s*cks. It really, really s*cks. Water s*cks.
Townie: You can do it. Cut his f**king head off.
(after Bobby demonstrates his tackling ability)
Coach Klein: Bobby, can you do that for me every game?
Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for you, I... I... I... yes, yes, I`ll do it for you.
Bobby Boucher: Now that`s what I call high quality H2O.
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