The Pink Panther Quotes

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(footsteps are heard in the background)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Shhhh! Footsteps. It's a young woman... 30 to 35 years old... 5'2" ,5'4", brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. And she has on... Chanel N°5.
(a male in his forties walks in)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is anyone with you?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high heels in that bag?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
Yuri: No. (imdb.com)

Female Reporter: Inspector!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes.
Female Reporter: Yes, what is your initial premise?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That Gluant did not want to be killed. Everthing else follows like liquid mercury flowing down a - a - a sloping thing.
Female Reporter: How long do you think it will take to find the killer?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Right now the killer is being surrounded by a web of deduction, forensic science and the latest in technology such as two-way radios and e-mail. (imdb.com)

(repeated line)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Newspapers!
(places newspaper over his face) (imdb.com)

(last lines)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ooh... that breeze feels good. (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (about Bizu) It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the drawing on the floor. (imdb.com)

Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It's true. My surprises, they are rarely unexpected. (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy? (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Let's seal it with a kiss. (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And you are?
Ponton: Gilbert Ponton. Detective, second class. I've been assigned to work with you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what qualifications do you have for police work?
Ponton: My family's done police work in Paris for nine generations.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: We were policemen in the surrounding areas for 200 years.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Immigrants from various countries in Europe all involving police work.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Farmers.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn. (imdb.com)

Nicole: Do you live alone, Inspector?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I do.
Nicole: Do you ever get lonely?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No. Not since the Internet. (imdb.com)

(repeated line)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are Yuri the trainer who trains. (imdb.com)

Ponton: (chasing masked assassin)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: It's Clouseau. Arrest him.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (running after Ponton)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: ...Which one is he?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (falls off banister)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: That would be him. (imdb.com)

(accidentally drops a pill of Viagra into the sink)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: My miracle pill for the middle-aged man! (imdb.com)

(repeated line)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one. (imdb.com)

Bizu: (referring to Gluant) And now he's pushing up the daisies.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: He is not 'pushing up the daisies,' he is DEAD!
Bizu: (glares) It's an idiom!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: *You*, sir, are the idiom. (imdb.com)

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: He's very easy to spot. He's got white hair, a thin mustache... Brimming with confidence, and *completely* lost. (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Monsieur Larocque.
Larocque: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (talking about the vase stuck on his right hand) Is this vase of great value?
Larocque: It is a worthless imitation.
(slams the vase on the nearby desk in order to break it, but ends up breaking both the vase and the table in the process)
Larocque: But that desk was... priceless. (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car? (imdb.com)

Nicole: I've been looking for you two all over! Were the hell have you been? (imdb.com)

(trying to teach Clouseau an English accent)
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a hamburger.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen".
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a ham-bur-ger.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen".
Dialect Instructor: I would like to buy a hamburger!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I would like to buy a "damburgen"! (imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe!
Yuri: But we have matches in Asia.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: All right. Do not leave Europe or Asia!
Yuri: And we also have a match in Brazil.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe, Asia, or the Americas! (imdb.com)

Ponton: Have you ever had a hamburger?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Well, of course not. It's a disgusting American food.
(starts eating the hamburger he was holding and enjoys it) (imdb.com)

(repeated line)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Newspapers!
(places newspaper over his face)
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (after falling through the ceiling, to the desk clerk) We need fresh towels in 204.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is there anyone with you?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Are you carrying a pair of high heels in that bag?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Who are you?
Yuri: I'm Yuri, the trainer.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what is it you do, Yuri the trainer?
Yuri: I train.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: So, you are Yuri the trainer who trains.
Yuri: (looks down)
(imdb.com)

Nicole: Do you live alone, Inspector?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, I do.
Nicole: Do you ever get lonely?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: No. Not since the Internet.
(imdb.com)

(repeated line)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You are Yuri the trainer who trains.
(imdb.com)

Nicole: I've been looking for you two all over! Were the hell have you been?
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (walking around the room) It is... lovely weather we are having. I hope the weather continues.
(chops curtain, table, etc., usually breaking something)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The area is secure.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (about Bizu) It's amazing how he fell perfectly into the drawing on the floor.
(imdb.com)

Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: It is very important that you remain calm and do not turn around
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Remain calm, do not turn around
Nigel Boswell/Agent 006: Behind you in the casino are the Gas Mask Bandits
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (turning around and not remaining calm) Oh my God. Ze Gas Mask Bandits
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Someone had words with Gluant... the night before he was killed.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (points his hand to a guard all of a sudden, releasing a vase stuck in his left hand, and Ponton, who was standing next to the guard catches it in time) Didn't you?
Larocque's Guard: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You didn't threaten to brek his legs and then crush him into powder?
Larocque's Guard: (confused) No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Perhaps I saw that on TV.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Monsieur, you must move your vehicle at once.
Old man in wheelchair: Oh... I'm so so sorry Officer Clouseau my chair... it won't move.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm... let me see
(investigates the wheel chair)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: your battery charge is not in let me see. Right so the positive goes to negative
(puts the positive charge in the negative plug)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: and the negative to the positive
(puts the negative charge into the positive plug)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: . Okay you are ready to go
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (after the old man reverses backwards into a market stall) Okay next stop.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Did you say that booth was soundproof?
Roland Saint-Germain: Yes.
(walks into the booth and farts, everyone can hear him by the "turned on" microphone)
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And you are?
Ponton: Gilbert Ponton. Detective, second class. I've been assigned to work with you.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what qualifications do you have for police work?
Ponton: My family's done police work in Paris for nine generations.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: We were policemen in the surrounding areas for 200 years.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Immigrants from various countries in Europe all involving police work.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And before that?
Ponton: Farmers.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Hmm. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn.
(imdb.com)

(footsteps are heard in the background)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Shhhh! Footsteps. It's a young woman... 30 to 35 years old... 5'2" ,5'4", brunette. And she is wearing high heels. Perhaps a bit too formal for the afternoon. And she has on... Chanel N°5.
(a male in his forties walks in)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Is anyone with you?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do you have a pair of high heels in that bag?
Yuri: No.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Not even a small pair of pumps?
Yuri: No.
(imdb.com)

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: I had been nominated for the Medal of Honor. I have been so nominated seven times. I have never won. Still, seven times, that is something.
(imdb.com)

Ponton: (chasing masked assassin)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: It's Clouseau. Arrest him.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (running after Ponton)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: ...Which one is he?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (falls off banister)
Chief Inspector Dreyfus: That would be him.
(imdb.com)

Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation. Agreed?
Nicole: Yes, I agree.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (gives her a quick kiss on her lips) Well, lets seal it with a kiss. And I'll get back to work.
(slaps her on her butt as she goes out)
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe!
Yuri: But we have matches in Asia.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: All right. Do not leave Europe or Asia!
Yuri: And we also have a match in Brazil.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Do not leave Europe, Asia, or the Americas!
(imdb.com)

(accidentally drops a pill of Viagra into the sink)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: My miracle pill for the middle-aged man!
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: What? What did you say?
Ponton: Nothing.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: You mean, you didn't just say: Stop the car, dear God, I beg of you, stop the car?
(imdb.com)

(last lines)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Ooh... that breeze feels good.
(imdb.com)

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: He's very easy to spot. He's got white hair, a thin mustache... Brimming with confidence, and *completely* lost.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?
(imdb.com)

Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: It's true. My surprises, they are rarely unexpected.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: A Woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Monsieur Larocque.
Larocque: Yes.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: (talking about the vase stuck on his right hand) Is this vase of great value?
Larocque: It is a worthless imitation.
(slams the vase on the nearby desk in order to break it, but ends up breaking both the vase and the table in the process)
Larocque: But that desk was... priceless.
(imdb.com)

Chief Inspector Dreyfus: Find him. His name is... Clouseau.
(imdb.com)

Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.
(attacks Ponton, but Ponton hits Clouseau)
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Good one.
Ponton: Thank you.
(imdb.com)


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