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Kili: (Kili is gently flirting with an Elf maid when he catches Dwalin glaring at him) I can't say I fancy Elves myself, too thin. They're all high cheekbones and creamy skin. Not enough facial hair for me.
(He motions to an Elf walking behind him)
Kili: Although, that one there's not bad.
Dwalin: That's not an Elf Maid.
(the Elf turns around, revealing that he is indeed a male)
Kili: (the Dwarves burst out laughing at Kili's "mistake") That's funny. (

Thorin Oakenshield: You! What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would be a burden, that you would not survive in the wild and that you have no place amongst us? I've never been so wrong in all my life.
(Thorin embraces Bilbo) (

Hobbit: You! Mr. Bilbo where're you off to?
Bilbo Baggins: I'm already late.
Hobbit: Late for what?
Bilbo Baggins: I'm going on an adventure. (

Bofur: (after falling) Well, that could have been worse...
(Great Goblin falls on the dwarves)
Dwalin: Oh you've got to be joking! (

Balin: It's just the usual; summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth.
Bilbo Baggins: Funeral arrangements?
(reads contract)
Bilbo Baggins: Oh, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit if any. Seems fair. Present company shall not be liable for injuries including but not limited to laceration, evisceration... incineration?
Bofur: Oh, aye. He'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye.
Balin: You all right, laddie?
Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I'll be. Feel a bit faint
Bofur: Think furnace, with wings.
Bilbo Baggins: Yeah, I-I-I need air
Bofur: Flash of light, searing pain, then poof, you're nothing more than a pile of ash.
Bilbo Baggins: (long pause) Nope.
Gandalf: Very helpful, Bofur. (

Gandalf: The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there.
Bilbo Baggins: I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins of Bag End!
Gandalf: You are also a Took. Did you know that your Great-Great-Great-Great Uncle Bullroarer Took was so large he could ride a real horse?
Bilbo Baggins: Yes.
Gandalf: Well he could! In the Battle of Greenfields, he charged the Goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard it knocked the Goblin King's head cleaned off and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won and the game of golf invented at the same time.
Bilbo Baggins: I do believe you made that up.
Gandalf: Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back.
Bilbo Baggins: ...Can you promise that I will come back?
Gandalf: No. And if you do... you will not be the same. (

Galadriel: Why the Halfling?
Gandalf: I do not know. Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid... and he gives me courage. (

(Lord Elrond arrives at Rivendell. He greets the Dwarves, speaking in Elvish)
Gloin: What does he say? Does he offer us insult?
Gandalf: No Master Gloin, he's offering you food.
(the Dwarves quickly have a quiet discussion amongst themselves)
Gloin: Very well then. Lead on! (

Great Goblin: You thought you could escape *me*?
(He swings his mace, knocking Gandalf back)
Great Goblin: What are you going to do now, wizard?
(Gandalf pokes the Great Goblin in the eye with his stick, then cuts straight through his large belly with his sword)
Great Goblin: ...That'll do it. (

Radagast: The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf. A darkness has fallen over it. Nothing grows anymore, at least nothing good. The air is fouled decay, but worst are the webs.
Gandalf: Webs? What do you mean?
Radagast: Spiders, Gandalf. Giant ones. Some kind of spawn of Ungoliant or I'm not a wizard. I followed their trail, they came from... Dol Guldur.
Gandalf: Dol Guldur? But the old fortress is abandoned.
Radagast: No, Gandalf, 'tis not. A dark power dwells in there. Such as I have never felt before. It is the shadow of an ancient horror. One that can summon the spirits of the dead. I saw him, Gandalf, from out of the darkness. A Necromancer has come!
Necromancer: (whispers in an unknown language) (

Thorin Oakenshield: And I am sorry for doubting you.
Bilbo Baggins: No, it's fine. I would have doubted me too. I'm not a hero, or a warrior...
(looks up at Gandalf)
Bilbo Baggins: ... Not even a burglar. (

Radagast: A dark power has found its way back into the world. (

Thorin Oakenshield: Where did you go, if I may ask?
Gandalf: To look ahead.
Thorin Oakenshield: And what brought you back?
Gandalf: Looking behind. (

Bilbo Baggins: I have... I have never used a sword in my life.
Gandalf: And I hope you never have to. But if you do, remember this: true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. (

Gandalf: Here lies the Last Homely House East of the Sea.
Thorin Oakenshield: This was your plan all along - to seek refuge with our enemy?
Gandalf: You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill will to be found in this valley is that which you bring yourself.
Thorin Oakenshield: You think the Elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us.
Gandalf: Of course they will. But we have questions that need to be answered. If we are to be successful this will need to be handled with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm, which is why you will leave the talking to me. (

Galadriel: You carry something. It came to you from Radagast. He found it in Dol Guldur.
Gandalf: Yes.
Galadriel: Show it to me.
(Gandalf takes out a package)
Elrond: What is that?
Galadriel: A relic... of Mordor.
Elrond: A Morgul-blade!
Galadriel: Made for the Witch-king of Angmar and buried with him. When Angmar fell, the Men of the North took his body and all that he possessed and sealed it within the High Fells of Rhudaur. Deep within the rock, they buried him. In a tomb so dark, it would never come to light.
Elrond: This is not possible. A powerful spell lies upon those tombs, they can NOT be opened.
Saruman: What proof do we have this weapon came from Angmar's grave?
Gandalf: I can find none.
Saruman: Because there IS none! Let us examine what we know: A single Orc pack has dared to cross the Bruinen, a dagger from a bygone age has been found and a human sorcerer who calls himself the Necromancer has taken up residence in a ruined fortress. It's not so very much. After all, the question of this Dwarvish company, however, troubles me deeply. I'm not convinced, Gandalf. I do not feel I can condone such a quest. If they had come to me, I might have spared them from this disappointment...
Galadriel: (while Saruman talks) They are leaving.
Gandalf: Yes.
Galadriel: (smiles) You knew. (

Gandalf: Far to the east, over ranges and rivers lies a single solitary peak. (

Bilbo Baggins: My name is Bilbo Baggins!
Gollum: Baggines? What is Bagginses?... Precious. (

Bilbo Baggins: I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?
Gandalf: Oh, they're quite a merry gathering. Once you get used to them. (

Oin: Ive got parasites as big as my arm.
Kili: Mine are the biggest parasites. I've got huge parasites. (

Gandalf: You will have to do without pocket handkerchiefs, and a great many other things, before we reach our journey's end, Bilbo Baggins. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you. The world is ahead. (

Galadriel: The dragon has long been on your mind.
Gandalf: This is true, my lady. Smaug owes allegiance to no one, but if he should side with the Enemy... A dragon could be used to terrible effect.
Saruman: What enemy? Gandalf, the Enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished. He can never regain his full strength.
Elrond: Gandalf, for four hundred years, we have lived in peace - a hard-won, watchful peace.
Gandalf: Are we, are we at peace? Trolls have come down from the mountains, they are raiding villages, destroying farms. Orcs have attacked us on the road!
Elrond: Hardly a prelude to war.
Saruman: Always you must meddle, looking for trouble when none exist...
Galadriel: Let him speak.
Gandalf: There is something at work beyond the evil of Smaug. Something far more powerful. We could remain blind to it but it will not be ignoring us, that I can promise you. A sickness lies over the Greenwood. The Woodsmen who live there now call it Mirkwood and, uh, they say...
Saruman: Well, don't stop now. Tell us what the Woodsmen say.
Gandalf: They speak of a Necromancer living in Dol Guldur, a sorcerer who could summon the dead.
Saruman: That's absurd. No such power exists in this world. This "Necromancer" is nothing more than a mortal man, a conjurer dabbling in black magic.
Gandalf: And so I thought too, but Radagast had seen...
Saruman: Radagast? Do not speak to me of Radagast the Brown. He is a foolish fellow.
Gandalf: Well, he's odd, I'll grant you. He lives a solitary life...
Saruman: It's not that. It's his excessive consumption of mushrooms! They've addled his brain and yellowed his teeth! (

Thorin Oakenshield: Rumors have begun to spread, The dragon Smaug has not been seen in many years... Perhaps the vast wealth of our people lies unprotected... perhaps it is time to take back Erebor! (

(Radagast endeavors to cure an ailing hedgehog)
Radagast: I don't understand why it's not working! It's not as if it's witchcraft!
Radagast: Witchcraft... Oh, but it IS. A dark and terrible magic... (

(as the dwarves are disarmed, Grinnah partially unsheathes Thorin's sword, and throws it away in horror)
Great Goblin: (recoils) I know that sword! It is the Goblin Cleaver! The Biter! The blade that sliced a thousand necks! Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head! (

Azog: (in Black Speech) Do you smell it? The scent of fear? I remember your father reeked of it... Thorin, son of Thrain. (

Dwalin: I thought we had lost our burglar.
Thorin Oakenshield: He's been lost ever since he left his home. He should not have come, he has no place among us. (

Radagast: I'll draw them off.
Gandalf: These are Gundabad wargs. They will outrun you!
Radagast: These are Rhosgobel rabbits. I'd like to see them try. (

Gandalf: Does it not worry you that the last of the Dwarf-rings should simply vanish along with its bearer? Of the Seven Dwarf-rings, four were consumed by dragons, two were taken by Sauron before he fell in Mordor... the fate of the last Dwarf-ring remains unknown, the ring that was borne by Thrain.
Saruman: Without the Ruling Ring of Power, the Seven are no value to the Enemy. To control the other Rings, he needs the One. And that Ring was lost long, long ago. It was swept out to sea by the waters of the Anduin. (

Kili: (the ground suddenly begins to split beneath them during the thunder battle, with each brother jumping to a different side of the crack as it widens) What's happening?
Fili: (Reaches desperately towards his brother) Kili, grab my hand! Ki...
Kili: (a look of terror cross his face as the cliff face his brother is on moves further away) Fili! (

Gandalf: Of course I was going to tell you, I was waiting for this very chance. And really, I think you could trust that I know what I am doing.
Elrond: Do you? That dragon has slept for 60 years. What will happen if your plan should fail? If you wake that beast...
Gandalf: But if we succeed. If the Dwarves take back the mountain, our defenses in the East will be strengthened!
Elrond: It is a dangerous move, Gandalf.
Gandalf: It is also dangerous to do nothing or cut the throne of Erebor, it's Thorin's birthright. What is it you fear?
Elrond: Have you forgotten? A strain of madness runs deep in that family. His grandfather lost his mind, his father succumbed to the same sickness. Can you swear Thorin Oakenshield will not also fall? Gandalf, these decisions do not rest with us alone. It is not up to you or me to redraw the map of Middle-earth. (

Bilbo Baggins: Can I help you?
Gandalf: That remains to be seen. (

Bilbo Baggins: Why don't we have a game of riddles and if I win, you show me the way out of here?
Gollum: And if he loses? What then? Well if he loses precious then we eats it! If Baggins loses we eats it whole!
Bilbo Baggins: Fair enough. (

Bilbo Baggins: I just need to sit quietly for a moment.
Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long! (

(as the trolls are roasting half a dozen of the dwarves on a spit over a fire)
Bilbo Baggins: Wait, wait! You are making a terrible mistake!
Bert Troll: Eh?
Dori: You can't reason with them, they're half-wits!
Bofur: Half-wits? What does that make us? (

Thorin Oakenshield: Out of the frying pan...
Gandalf: ...and into the fire. (

Oin: I've got parasites the size of me arm! (

(Bilbo opens the door)
Dwalin: Dwalin, at your service.
Bilbo Baggins: Um...
Bilbo Baggins: Bilbo Baggins, at yours. (

Frodo: (finds a manuscript) What's this?
Old Bilbo: That is private, keep your sticky paws off! It's not ready yet!
Frodo: Not ready for what?
Old Bilbo: Reading! (

Gandalf: Well, why does it matter? He's back!
Thorin Oakenshield: It matters. I want to know - why did you come back?
Bilbo Baggins: Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right... I often think of Bag End. I miss my books, and my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong, that's home. That's why I came back... 'cause you don't have one, a home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can. (

Balin: I have to agree with Mr. Baggins, he is hardly burglar material.
Dwalin: Aye, the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves. (

(from trailer)
Gandalf: You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company and I have chosen Mr. Baggins.
Bilbo Baggins: Me? No! No No No!
Gandalf: Hobbits can pass unseen by most if they chose which gives us a distinct advantage. (

Thorin Oakenshield: (singing) Far over the misty mountains cold / To dungeons deep and caverns old
Dwarves: (singing) The pines were roaring on the height / The winds were moaning in the night / The fire was red, it flame spread / The trees like torches blazed with light... (

Bilbo Baggins: (as Dwarves start musically banging cutlery on the tables) Careful! You'll blunt them!
Bofur: (Amused) Oh, did you hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives!
Dwarves: (Gleefully Start Singing) Blunt the Knives! Bend the Forks! Smash the Bottles and Burn the Corks! Chip the glassed and crack the Plates! That's what Bilbo Baggins Hates! (

(first lines)
Old Bilbo: My dear Frodo, you asked me once if I had told you everything there was to know about my adventures. And while I can honestly say I've told you the truth, I may not have told you all of it. I am old, Frodo. I am not the same hobbit as I once was. It is time for you to know what really happened. (

Ori: That's why we need a burglar!
Bilbo Baggins: hmmm, and I good one too I would say. An Expert
Gloin: And are you?
Bilbo Baggins: (looks behind him then back) am I what?
Oin: He said he's an expert! hey hey! (

Thorin Oakenshield: I cannot guarantee his safety.
Gandalf: Understood.
Thorin Oakenshield: Nor will I be responsible for his fate.
Gandalf: Agreed. (

Gandalf: When did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? (

Thorin Oakenshield: Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor? (

Balin: Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate Orcs. After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria... but our enemy had got there first. Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs, led by the most vile of all their race, Azog the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King. Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or killed; we did not know. We were leaderless, defeat and death were upon us. That is when I saw him; the young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc. He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armour rent, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield... Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Our forces rallied and drove the Orcs back; our enemy had been defeated... but there was no feast or songs that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived and I thought to myself then 'There is one I could follow. There is one I could call King'. (

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