Kicking & Screaming (2005) » Quotes


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Mike Ditka: Did you just kick your son?
Phil Weston: Yeah. (imdb.com)

Mike Ditka: (to the Tigers team) This is gonna be the hardest thing you've ever done in your whole lives. But when it's over...
Phil Weston: Don't get emotional...
Mike Ditka: When it's over...
Phil Weston: (echoing him) When it's over...
Mike Ditka: You guys are gonna be champions!
Phil Weston: Champions!
Mike Ditka: Now let's get out there and kick some butt!
Phil Weston: On three, 'let's have fun'
The Tigers: (all chant) One, two, three, Let's Have Fun!
Mike Ditka: (to Phil, mocking) 'Let's have fun,' what's THAT? (imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Ambrose
Ambrose: Yeah?
Phil Weston: I saw a bunch of nonsense out there. What was going through your head out there last week?
Ambrose: I was breaking my back for you coach because of my love for the game.
Phil Weston: LIAR! (imdb.com)

Phil Weston: All right Tigers. Lets get ready to play, huh. I don't want to see any laziness here. If we win this we're in the finals. If we get a big lead, we gotta pummel these guys, pummel them at all costs. Dominate, and hammer them. I want you to play dirty, if you have to, but don't get caught. Byong Sun, stay low. Ok. That's easy for you. Just chop block 'em in the back of the knee. That will work well. Ambrose, you're big. Don't be afraid to throw the elbow. If you break someones collar bone, that's a good thing, that's what the medics for. Otherwise he's just sittin' around. All right! You hear me! (imdb.com)

Phil Weston: They're like 4-foot whirling dervishes. I don't even know what a whirling dervish is but that's what they're like. (imdb.com)

Barbara Weston: (trying to comfort an anguished Phil) Phil, I love you...
Phil Weston: (crying) What does THAT have to do with ANYTHING?
(imdb.com)

Mark Avery: Hey Buck, remember when we beat you at the championship game?
Buck Weston: Oh yeah, well remember the time when I shoved that kid into the pool?
(kicks Mark into the swimming pool)
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (crying to Ditka) I don't like coffee! It's a vasoconstrictor!
(imdb.com)

Connor: Coach, did you order the pizzas yet?
Phil Weston: All in good time, Connor. But in the event the pizzas don't arrive, I have already made the decision... that we will eat Byong Sun.
(Byong Sun backs away from the campfire, freaked out)
Phil Weston: Okay, we're not gonna eat him. But he does look pretty appetizing, you have to admit.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Ambrose
Ambrose: Yeah?
Phil Weston: I saw a bunch of nonsense out there. What was going through your head out there last week?
Ambrose: I was breaking my back for you coach because of my love for the game.
Phil Weston: LIAR!
(imdb.com)

Ann Hogan: We're at all the games, unlike a lot of the other parents.
Phil Weston: No no, not like the other parents at all! You're better than the other parents.
Ambrose's Dad: Oh, so they're better?
Phil Weston: No, they're different.
Donna Jones: What do you mean "different"?
Phil Weston: I mean, you're different because you're better.
Ambrose's Dad: How are they better?
Phil Weston: You're both better different... in a different but better way!
Ann Hogan: Uh, okay.
(she walks off with Donna)
Ambrose's Dad: It's a little early to start playing favorites, Phil.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (to Mark) How many sarcastic pills did you take this morning?
(imdb.com)

Massimo: (after Sam keeps falling over) Mama Mia! You're a real DUFFER, you know?
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!
Mike Ditka: DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?
Phil Weston: I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy!
Mike Ditka: You're crazy!
Phil Weston: I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty!
Mike Ditka: OH, YOU GO TO HELL!
Phil Weston: No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox!
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (after Sam gets conked on the head with soccer ball) C'mon, Sam! Get the circulation back in your skull!
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: OK, you caught me. The finches were a bad idea. And I wasn't gonna say anything, but I think some of them may have salmonella. A fair amount, in fact. I may have inadvertently poisoned your children.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Pizza at my house!
(imdb.com)

Mike Ditka: Way to go, Bing Bong!
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Every time you say something back to me, it makes me love you more!
Buck Weston: Heh.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Looks who's here! I'll give you a hint - Hall of Fame, Chicago Bears...
Mark Avery: Sammy Sosa?
Mike Ditka: C'mon!
Phil Weston: Football... coached the 1986...
Mike Ditka: '85.
Phil Weston: Right, '85 Bears to Superbowl victory... it's Mike Ditka!
Mark Avery: Do you know Sammy Sosa?
Mike Ditka: Hey, zip it, kid!
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (on park pay phone with Umberto) I'm really getting sick and tired of this 'Meat Comes First' thing!
Party Guests: (singing) Happy Birthday to you! Happy...
Phil Weston: Quiet please! Shut up! I'm on the phone and you're not the only ones in the park!
(imdb.com)

Umberto: (making the two boys recite) Prima la carne, prima la carne.
Gian Piero: Prima la carne.
Massimo: Prima la carne.
Phil Weston: What?
Umberto: Meat first, THEN soccer!
Phil Weston: Right, meat comes first!
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: I was born a baby, a blank slate. I thought I was in control of my own destiny, and then I met my dad.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: So when i took over for Coach Benson...
Clark: (interrupting) I hear he's a woman now!
(laughter from the party guests)
Buck Weston: Yeah.
Phil Weston: Actually uh, truth be told, *no one* knows where he is right now. A lot of people are... concerned.
(more laughter)
Phil Weston: I don't know *why* that's funny.
(applause)
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (Byong Sun uses a drinking cup to make popping noises) 'Scuse me... just... don't do that with the cup, okay?
(Byong Sun momentarily stops, embarrassed)
(imdb.com)

Buck Weston: Oh, this oughtta be good. If we live long enough, we'll see Iron Mike and Aluminum Phil coaching the Tigers.
Mike Ditka: I couldn't really hear ya, Weston. My Superbowl ring was making too much noise.
(crowd hisses)
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: I am angry. I'm like a large tornado of anger, swirling about.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Hey, you didn't have to take up two spaces!
Obnoxious Hummer Lady: Actually, I did. Look at the size of this bad boy, huh?
(indicating Phil's smaller sedan)
Obnoxious Hummer Lady: This is cute, though! You're saving the environment for all of us. Go hemp! Ha ha!
(imdb.com)

Buck Weston: I take a vitamin everyday. It's called a steak.
(imdb.com)

Byong Sun: Whoo! Electric in the air!
(imdb.com)

Buck Weston: (to Phil) Be warned, muchacho! You're in the show, now!
(imdb.com)

Buck Weston: You know how hard it's been for me ever since your mom died.
Phil Weston: She didn't die! She divorced you!
Buck Weston: Ehh... tomatoes, tomahtoes.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: This is Gian Piero and Massimo. They're apprentice butchers.
Mark Avery: Could the blacksmiths and candlestick makers not make it?
Mike Ditka: Shut up!
(imdb.com)

Mike Ditka: (team is doing push-ups) If you guys were the Bears, I'd fine you $10,000 apiece.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (passing out DVDs) These are instructional DVDs. Study them. Watch them. I only watched it once and already I learned this - it's called "Up and Over".
(he shows them this new kick, nearly wrecking the fireplace)
Phil Weston: (hears Barbara coming and passes the ball to Mark Avery) Here, hold this.
Barbara Weston: Guys, I told you, no playing soccer in the house.
Phil Weston: You did, you said it a lot.
Barbara Weston: Who did that?
Phil Weston: (pointing to Mark) He did.
The Tigers: HE DID!
Phil Weston: What? Nut'uh!
(the kids all descend upon him)
(imdb.com)

Sam Weston: Dad, you're getting a little creepy.
Phil Weston: I know, let's all bay at the moon.
Sam Weston: What?
Phil Weston: You know, howl at the moon... like this. Owwwwooooo... owooo... ow, ow, ow, ow, owwwoooo!
Neighbor: Shut up out there!
Phil Weston: You shut up in THERE!
(continues howling, and all the kids join in; momentarily, a pack of snarling dogs charge into the yard)
(imdb.com)

Mike Ditka: Did you just kick your son?
Phil Weston: Yeah.
(imdb.com)

Mike Ditka: Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions.
(imdb.com)

Neighbor: SHUT UP OUT THERE!
Phil Weston: YOU SHUT UP IN THERE!
(imdb.com)

Ann Hogan: Byong-Sun is very shy - this book really helped us to deal with it, so you're probably gonna want to give it a glance.
Phil Weston: (reading title) My Child is Shy. Thanks.
(pause)
Phil Weston: I'm sorry, who's your son?
Donna Jones: Byong-Sun.
Phil Weston: Oh, I see.
(pause)
Phil Weston: Actually, I don't see, I'm sorry.
(realizing they are lesbians)
Phil Weston: Oh wait, now I see! Wow!
(imdb.com)

Byong Sun: (introducing himself) I'm Byong-Sun.
Phil Weston: Hi, Byong-Sun.
Byong Sun: I am a very kind person.
Phil Weston: Oh, that's sweet! Anything that relates to soccer?
Byong Sun: No sir.
Phil Weston: Well, maybe you and Ambrose can team up - he's big and you might form one megaperson.
(Ambrose gives him a dirty look)
Phil Weston: Okay, forget I just said that.
(imdb.com)

Sam Weston: How do you say pizza in Italian?
Gian Piero: Pizza!
Sam Weston: How do you say "spaghetti"?
Gian Piero: Spaghetti!
Ambrose: Italian's easy.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: Well, if it isn't Porkface Jones. I can eat a box of cookies tonight. Can you do that? No. Because you're nothin' but a fart-faced kid.
(kid starts attacking him)
Phil Weston: GET HIM OFF ME!
(someone pulls kid off)
Phil Weston: That's like the little jackal from hell!
(imdb.com)

Donna Jones: (second lesbian extends her hand to Phil's, shaking it with a joltingly strong grip) Donna Jones. You can call me 'Chief.'
(imdb.com)

Referee: Where do I know you from?
Phil Weston: I've been your neighbor for the last seven years!
Referee: No, that ain't it.
Phil Weston: That's definitely it!
Referee: I'll figure it out.
(imdb.com)

Phil Weston: (to Gian Piero and Massimo) Take the field. Taka the fielda.
(imdb.com)

Mike Ditka: Every good thing starts with a Brat!
(imdb.com)

Ann Hogan: Coach Ditka? Hi. Our son, Byong Sun, he's very shy, and we were wondering
(hands him a pad to autograph)
Mike Ditka: Sure, 'be happy to.
Ann Hogan: Thank you so much. It's Byong Sun
(spelling)
Ann Hogan: B-Y...
Mike Ditka: (autographing) I think I got it.
(hands it back to them)
Mike Ditka: Bye bye.
Mike Ditka: (to Phil, awkwardly) Just... a wonderful couple.
Ann Hogan: (looking at the autograph) What...
Donna Jones: "Bing Bong"?
(imdb.com)

The Tigers: (winning team, shouting) Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate?
Mike Ditka: Shut up, ya little rats!
Phil Weston: They're just showing their appreciation.
Mike Ditka: I don't care about appreciation, I just want to win a soccer game.
(throws down his clipboard and walks off)
Phil Weston: (picks it up) Can I have this?
Phil Weston: Sure.
Phil Weston: Alllllright!
(imdb.com)

Buck Weston: We've got balls!
Phil Weston: And vitamins!
Buck Weston: But mostly balls!
Phil Weston: (with all the kids from the Tigers and Gladiators teams)
Phil Weston: AND VITAMINS!
(imdb.com)


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