Harry: Here we are Marv. New York City, the land of opportunity.
Harry: Smell that?
Marv: (sniffs) Yeah.
Harry: Know what that is?
Harry: It`s freedom.
Marv: No, it`s fish.
Harry: It`s freedom, and it`s money.
Marv: Okay, okay, it`s freedom.
Harry: Come on, let`s get out of here before somebody sees us.
Marv: And it`s fish.
Kate McCallister: What kind of idiots do you have working here?
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: The finest in New York.
Cedrick the Bellman: Do you know how the TV works?
Kevin McCallister: I`m 10-years-old. TV is my life.
Kevin McCallister: You can mess with a lot of things, but you can`t mess with kids on Christmas.
(Frank snatches a can of Coke out of his son Fuller`s hand)
Uncle Frank McCallister: Hey, hey, easy on the fluids pal. The rubber sheets are packed.
Tracy McCallister: (Opening Lines at the beginning of the movie; Tracy`s frantically looking for her sunblock) Has anybody seen my sublock?
Sondra McCallister: What`s the point in going to Florida if you`re going to put on sunblock?
Megan McCallister: I don`t care if I age like an old suitcase, I`m getting toasted.
Buzz McCallister: Great, now you can be a skag with a slightly darker shade of skin.
Brooke McCallister: He`s just jealous because he doesn`t tan. His freckles just connect.
Uncle Frank McCallister: (walks by, sees his son Fuller drinking a Coke, and snatches it away from him) Hey, easy on the fluids, pal, the rubber sheets are packed.
(Uncle Frank then drinks the Coke himself)
Officer Bennett: Has the boy ever run away from home?
Peter McCallister: No.
Officer Bennett: Has he ever been in a situation where`s been on his own?
Kate McCallister: (Kate shakes her head. Peter gives her a look) As a matter of fact, this has happened before. It`s become sort of a McCallister family travel tradition.
Peter McCallister: Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.
(They both laugh, and knock on the wooden desk)
Kate McCallister: (Officer Bennett does not laugh) He was left at home, by accident, last year.
Peter McCallister: That`s what my wife meant when she said this has become a McCallister family travel tradition.
Kevin McCallister: You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
Harry: (Shakes head at Marv)
Kevin McCallister: Don`t you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
Kevin McCallister: You`ve gotta help me. There`s two guys after me.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: What`s the matter? Store wouldn`t take your stolen credit card? Let`s see what the police have to say about this.
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: Can I help you?
Kevin McCallister: A reservation for McCallister?
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: A reservation for yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma`am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I`m barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I don`t think so.
Marv: (seizes a brick) s*ck BRICK KID!
(throws down to Kevin)
Cedrick the Bellman: Mr. McAllister`s room service bill, sir.
(he hands Buzz the bill)
Cedrick the Bellman: Merry Christmas, sir.
(he hold out his hand for a tip, of which Buzz hands him: Gum)
Cedrick the Bellman: Nice family. Really.
Buzz McCallister: (Buzz looks at the long room service bill worth over $967.00)
Buzz McCallister: Merry Christmas, indeed. Oh, Daaaad...
Peter McCallister: (yells out) KEVIN!`! YOU SPENT $967 ON ROOM SERVICE?`!`!
Kevin McCallister: It`s a nice night for a neck injury.
Cedric the Bellman: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed here on this floor.
Kevin McCallister: The vacuum guy?
Cedric the Bellman: No, the President.
Harry: You better say every prayer you ever heard, kid.
Marv: I hope your parents got you a tombstone for Christmas.
Harry: (opens the cash register and steals money from it) Merry Christmas, Harry.
Marv: (opens the money chest and steals money from it) Happy Hanukkah, Marv.
(climbing down the rope)
Marv: Harry, are you wearing aftershave?
Harry: That`s not aftershave, Marv. That`s kerosene. The rope is soaked in it.
Marv: Now why would anyone wanna soak a rope in kerosene?
(Kevin lights a match)
Kevin McCallister: Merry Christmas.
Harry: Go up!
Harry: Now we get ourselves a couple of phony passports and high-tail it to some foreign country.
Harry: Yep, one quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports and we hightail it to some foreign country.
Harry: (rolls his eyes)
Marv: (swipes coins from a street Santa)
Harry: That`s very smart, Marv. You bust outta jail to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus?
Marv: Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname: we`re the Sticky Bandits.
Harry: Real cute. Very cute.
Harry: I hate throwing a job knowing that little creep is on the loose.
Marv: Yeah but what can he do? He`s a kid. Kids are helpless
Harry: Not this kid.
Marv: Yeah but this time he doesn`t have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with. He`s in the park. He`s alone. Kids are scared of the park.
Harry: Yeah. Grown men come into the park and never leave alive. Good luck little fella.
Buzz McCallister: (after making a formal apology to the family; whispers to Kevin) Beat that, you little trout sniffer.
Kevin McCallister: (gets up) I`m not sorry. I did what I did because Buzz humiliated me and since he gets away with everything, I let him have it. And since you`re all so STUPID to believe his lies I don`t care if your idiotic Florida trip gets wrecked or not! Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?
(turns to leave)
Kate McCallister: Kevin!
Peter McCallister: Kevin, you walk out of here and you sleep on the third floor.
Fuller McCallister: (gleefully) Yeah, with me.
Kevin McCallister: So what else is new?
Uncle Frank McCallister: You better not wreck my trip, you little sour puss, your dad`s paying good money for it.
Kevin McCallister: Oh, wouldn`t wanna spoil your fun, Mr. Cheap Skate!
Buzz McCallister: What a troubled young man.
Peter McCallister: Hey Kevin, you better go put your tie on. We don`t wanna be late for the Christmas pageant.
Kevin McCallister: My tie is in the bathroom and I can`t go in because Uncle Frank is taking a shower. He says that if I walked in there and saw him naked I`d grow up never feeling like a real man.
(Peter and Kate stare)
Kevin McCallister: Whatever that means.
Peter McCallister: (after a pause, chuckles) I`m sure he was kidding. Just, uh, run in there, get your tie, get out, and don`t look at... Anything.
Kate McCallister: Why don`t you just sit up here for a while and think things over. When you`re ready to apologize to Buzz and to the rest of the family, you can come down.
Kevin McCallister: I`m not apologizing to Buzz. I`d rather kiss a toilet seat!
Kate McCallister: Then you can stay up here the rest of the night.
Kevin McCallister: Fine. I don`t wanna be down there anyway. I can`t trust anybody in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I`d go on my own vacation. Alone. Without any of you guys. And I`d have the most fun in my whole life.
Kate McCallister: Well you got your wish last year. Maybe you`ll get it again this year.
Kevin McCallister: I hope so!
(at the airport waiting for their luggage passing Kevin`s bag)
Kate McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Aunt Leslie McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Rod McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Sondra McCallister: Kevin.
Buzz McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Megan McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Linnie McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Tracy McCallister: Give this to Kevin.
Fuller McCallister: Here you go Kevin.
(startled when he sees the elderly couple)
Fuller McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Tracy McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Linnie McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Megan McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Buzz McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Sondra McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Rod McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Aunt Leslie McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Kate McCallister: Kevin`s not here.
Peter McCallister: WHAT?
Kate McCallister: (laughs then suprised) KEVIN!
Officer Bennett: (Talking to Peter McCalister, and finding out that Kevin has credit cards) We`ll notify the credit card company and they can track down where he is if and when he uses it.
Kate McCallister: Gosh no, I don`t think Kevin even knows how to use a credit card.
Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: (Puts the credit card into payment)
Kevin McCallister: Wow, it worked.
Kevin McCallister: Howdy do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I`d like a hotel room please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.
Kevin McCallister: I`m sorry. You wanted a tip.
Cedrick the Bellman: Umn, that won`t be necessary, sir. I still have some
(Shows him wad of gum)
Cedrick the Bellman: tip left over.
Kevin McCallister: (pulls out a wad of cash) No tip? Okay.
Cedrick the Bellman: Uh, wait wait wait wait. Wait, wait.
(Kevin closes door)
Cedrick the Bellman: (presents a pair of boxers) Your drawers, sir.
Kevin McCallister: (grabs them) Geez! Don`t flash these babies around here. There could be girls on this floor!
Cedrick the Bellman: I was very careful, sir.
Kevin McCallister: You can`t be too careful when it involves underwear.
Cedrick the Bellman: I understand.
Waiter: Two scoops, sir?
Kevin McCallister: Two? Make it three. I`m not driving.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here last night too, wasn`t ya?
Girl Gangster on TV: I was singing at the Blue Monkey last night.
Kevin McCallister: She was not. She was smooching with your brother.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here. And you was smoochin` with my brother.
Kevin McCallister: See?
Gangster Johnny on TV: Maybe I`m off my hinges, but I believe you. That`s why I`m gonna let you go. I`m gonna give you to the count of three to get your lousy, lyin`, low-down, four flushing carcass OUT my door! 1... 2...
(Fires Tommy gun, killing girl gangster)
Gangster Johnny on TV: 3. Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.
Gangster Johnny on TV: And a Happy New Year.
(Marv has just had a brick dropped on his head from three stories up and is reeling on the sidewalk)
Harry: (holding up three fingers on one hand) Marv, how many fingers am I holding up?
Marv: Uh, hmmmmmm, eight?
Uncle Frank McCallister: Get outta here you nosey little pervet, or I`m gonna slap you silly!
Marv: (looks up after falling through a huge hole in the floor) Whoa! What a hole!
Gangster Johnny on TV: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Um, everybody... On your knees...
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: I love you.
Gangster Johnny on TV: You gotta do better than that!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge, Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk, Cedrick the Bellman, Officer Cliff, Security Guard: I love you!
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, last night too, wasn`t ya?
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: Yes... sir, I was
Gangster Johnny on TV: You was here, and you was smoochin` wit my brother!
Mr. Hector, Hotel Concierge: (after a pause) I`m terribly sorry, sir, I`m afraid you`re mistaken.
Gangster Johnny on TV: Don`t gimme that! You`ve been smoochin` wit everybody! Snuffy. Al. Leo. Little Moe, with the gimpy leg. Cheeks. Boney Bob. Cliff.
Officer Cliff: (gasps) No!
(others stare at him in disguest)
Officer Cliff: It`s a lie!
Gangster Johnny on TV: I could go on forever, baby!
Harry: (hears a loud rumbling) What`s that sound?
(a tool chest bursts through the door, pinning Marv and Harry to the wall)
Marv: (congested) That was the sound of a tool chest falling down the stairs.
Kevin McCallister: Boy, it`s scary out there.
Cab Driver: (turns around to reveal his frightening face) Ain`t much better in here, kid.
(Kevin gasps in horror and flees the cab)
Streetwalker #1: (to Kevin) Hey, lookin` for someone to read you a bedtime story? Ha ha ha ha.
Uncle Frank McCallister: (as the others look at their motel in disgust) Didn`t look this bad on our honeymoon.
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan`s Toy Chest: You see that tree there? Well to show our appreciation for youtr generosity, I`m gonna let you select an object from that tree that you can take home with you.
Kevin McCallister: For free?
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan`s Toy Chest: Oh yes. May I make a suggestion? Take the Turtle Doves.
Kevin McCallister: I can have two?
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan`s Toy Chest: Well, two Turtle Doves. I`ll tell you what you do: you keep one, and you give the other one to a very special person. You see, Turtle Doves are a symbol of friendship and love. And as long as each of you has your Turtle Dove, you`ll be friends forever.
Kevin McCallister: Wow. I never knew that. I thought they were just part of a song.
Mr. E.F. Duncan, Owner Duncan`s Toy Chest: They are. And for that very special reason.
Kevin McCallister: (staring at the Rockefellar Center tree) I know I don`t deserve a Christmas, even if I did do a good deed. I don`t want any presents. Instead, I want to take back every mean thing I ever said to my family. Even if they don`t take back the things they said to me. I don`t care. I love all of them... Including Buzz. I know it isn`t possible to see them all. Could I just see my mother? I`ll never want another thing as long as I live if I can just see my mother. I know I won`t see her tonight, but promise me I can see her again. Sometime. Any time. Even if it`s just once and only for a couple minutes. I just need to tell her I`m sorry.
Kate McCallister: Kevin?
Kevin McCallister: Mom?
(Turns back to the tree)
Kevin McCallister: Wow, that worked fast.
Buzz McCallister: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury... I`d like to apologize to my family for whatever displeasure I may have caused you...
Kevin McCallister: What?
Buzz McCallister: My prank was immature and ill-timed.
Uncle Frank McCallister: Immature or not, it was pretty gol-darn hilarious.
(laughs; everyone else glares)
Buzz McCallister: I`d also like to apologize to my brother. Kevin, I`m sorry.
Uncle Frank McCallister: I know I shouldn`t complain about a free trip, but geez you guys give the worst gol-darn wake up calls!
Kate McCallister: (counting passports) 11, 12, 13, 14... Where`s Kevin?
Kevin McCallister: (appearing in front seat) Forteen. It`s a good thing I have my own ticket just in case you guys try to ditch me.
Kate McCallister, Peter McCallister: (awakening late on morning of travel, again) We did it again! Aaah!
Harry: (while Harry and Marv are robbing Duncan`s Toy Chest, Kevin takes their picture) He took our picture!
Marv: How`d my hair look?
Harry: Hey Marv, crow bars up.
(they clink their crow bars together)