Epic Movie (2007) » Quotes


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Silas: (In a Subtitle before Shooting Mr.Tumnus Dead) I`m Rick James, b*tch!

Silas: (In a Subtitle) I`m gonna go Jackie Chan on Yo Ass!
Aslo: ARRRRRRGH!
(the Camera Starts Pin-Pointing on Aslo as a Subtitle appears)
Aslo: Great News, I just saved a bunch of Money on My Car Insurance!

Peter: (From unrated version)
(as Superman, Peter is shot in the eye by a thug)
Peter: Oh my god! You shot me in the f**king eye! Oh, that really hurt! Why would you do that? That was so unneccesary!
(backs up and falls off of roof)

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: (From unrated version) Enough is enough! I`ve had it! With these motherf**kin` snakes on this motherf**kin` plane!
Susan: So have I!
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Enough is Enough! I`ve had it! With these motherf**kin` snakes on this motherf**kin` plane!
Susan: Right...
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I`ve had it! With these motherf**kin` snakes on this motherf**kin` plane!
Susan: Why do you keep saying that?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love it when I say "I`ve had it! With these motherf**kin` snakes on this motherf**kin` plane!"
Susan: Alright, we get it already. Okay?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: No! I don`t think you do! I`ve had it! With these motherf**kin` snakes on this motherf**kin` plane!
Susan: Why are you yelling?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: sh*t, b*tch! I`m ALWAYS yellin`! I`m Samuel motherf**kin` Jackson!
Susan: b*tch?
(Gets thrown off the plane)

Ashton Kutcher Look-Alike: Yeah! We just punked Edward. *Shwam!* That was awesome.

Peter: We may not have the numbers on our side or the weapons she possesses, but we have something far more powerful.
Lucy: Perky br**sts?

Susan: (Lucy is cleaning doorknob) What are you doing?
Lucy: Willy told me he wanted his knob polished.
Susan: Dumbass.

Peter: Monobrow! Monobrow!
(clapping excitably)
Peter: King wants a monobrow!

Peter: Badonkadonk.

White b*tch: God, I hate those f**kin` kids

Nacho Libre: NACHO... cheese Doritos are delicious!

(last lines)
Borat: Jagshemash! You did it! You make moviefilm have happy ending.
(Captain Jack Swallows comes on his wheel and runs Lucy, Peter, Susan and Edward over)
Borat: NOT!

Peter: (while urinating in the snow) Look! Nicole Richie!
(camera shows a stick figure with hair)

Harry Beaver: May I present the kings and queens of Gnarnia! Peter the Heroic. Susan the Just. Edward the Loyal. And Lucy the Dumb sh*t.

Silas: (to Aslo) I`m gonna go Jackie Chan on your ass!

Bink: (stabs Edward) Take that, Kumar!

Magneto: We`ll stand behind you, Peter. That b*tch has threatened our mutant way of life for too long. We believe in you.

White b*tch: (holding crystal) Let`s start things off with a bang, shall we?
Edward: But you`ll kill millions.
White b*tch: Billions. Come on. Let me hear you say it.
Edward: My family will stop you!
White b*tch: WRONG!

White b*tch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where only I and my followers will live.
Bink: Yo, b*tch, that`s pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.
White b*tch: Pretty much, yeah.

Susan: Welcome! My name is Harry Potter!
Lucy: Aren`t you a little old to be still a student here?
Susan: Nonsense. I am but 14.

Silas: (to White b*tch, in subtitles) Beat me like Bobby beats Whitney! Allegedly.

(Peter removes his jacket and wing straps)
Cyclops: He`s unleashing his powers!
Storm: He`s gonna spread angel wings!
(Peter clucks like a chicken and turns around showing his small-sized wings on his back)
Mystique: More like chicken wings!
Magneto: Break it up. Break it up. You all know Peter is too much of a p*ssy to stand up for himself.

Lauren Conrad: Nice hair, Rogue.

(first lines)
Narrator: This is the story of four orphans brought together by fate. They didn`t know it yet, but there was something more greater in store for them, something epic.

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: Oh, I know, please help!
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: I know...
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: Why do you keep saying that?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love when I say, "I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!"
Susan: Why are you yelling?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shut up, b*tch! I`m always yelling! I`m Samuel Goddamn Jackson!
Susan: (Shocked) b*tch?
("Samuel Jackson" grabs Susan and throws her from the plane)

Edward: (in his old age) Chuck Norris rules.

Peter: We have something the White b*tch doesn`t.
Lucy: Perky br**sts?

Kanye West Look-Alike: (while Lucy is viewing the camera from Mr. Tumnus) The White b*tch doesn`t care about black people.

Lucy: I`m sorry, was the fight over?

Peter: (Talking about the frozen White b*tch) We will create a democratic society, and give her a fair trail, and...
Captain Jack Swallows: (Jack Swallows come rolling by on the wodden wheel and runs over the b*tch)
(In the distance)
Captain Jack Swallows: Take that, b*tch!
Peter: (pauses) Ah, screw her anyways.

Edward: A chocolate river! Mmm! Mmm! Chocolate! Hahahaha!
Willy: That`s actually the sewer line.

Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Edward: Uh-huh.
Willy: It`s a special secret ingredient. It`s real human parts. There`s gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally.

Lucy: Holy sh*t, a talking beaver!

(as the White Queen pulls up in her turbo sled)
Edward: Whoa, Stifler`s mom!

Peter: I want flabby grandma arms!

Willy: Who wants to play with Willy?

White b*tch: Behold, my white castle.
(she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them)
Edward: White Castle? I feel like I`ve been there before.

Peter: We have something the White b*tch doesn't.
Lucy: Perky br**sts? (imdb.com)

White b*tch: (holding crystal) Let's start things off with a bang, shall we?
Edward: But you'll kill millions.
White b*tch: Billions. Come on. Let me hear you say it.
Edward: My family will stop you!
White b*tch: WRONG! (imdb.com)

White b*tch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where only I and my followers will live.
Bink: Yo, b*tch, that's pretty much the plot of Superman Returns.
White b*tch: Pretty much, yeah. (imdb.com)

(last lines)
Borat: Jagshemash! You did it! You make moviefilm have happy ending.
(Captain Jack Swallows comes on his wheel and runs Lucy, Peter, Susan and Edward over)
Borat: NOT! (imdb.com)

Peter: Monobrow! Monobrow!
(clapping excitably)
Peter: King wants a monobrow! (imdb.com)

(Peter removes his jacket and wing straps)
Cyclops: He's unleashing his powers!
Storm: He's gonna spread angel wings!
(Peter clucks like a chicken and turns around showing his small-sized wings on his back)
Mystique: More like chicken wings!
Magneto: Break it up. Break it up. You all know Peter is too much of a p*ssy to stand up for himself. (imdb.com)

(as the White Queen pulls up in her turbo sled)
Edward: Whoa, Stifler's mom! (imdb.com)

Peter: Tomorrow we fight. So tonight... we party! (imdb.com)

Peter: We have something the White b*tch doesn't.
Lucy: Perky br**sts? (imdb.com)

Willy: Children, do you wanna know what makes all my candy taste so special?
Edward: Uh-huh.
Willy: It's a special secret ingredient. It's real human parts. There's gonna be a little itty bitty piece of each and every one of you inside of the yummy yum candy, literally. (imdb.com)

White b*tch: God, I hate those f**kin' kids (imdb.com)

White b*tch: Behold, my white castle.
(she points to a White Castle restaurant across from them)
Edward: White Castle? I feel like I've been there before. (imdb.com)

Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: Oh, I know, please help!
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: I know...
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!
Susan: Why do you keep saying that?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Because internet bloggers love when I say, "I have had it with these goddamn snakes on this goddamn plane!"
Susan: Why are you yelling?
Samuel Jackson Look-Alike: Shut up, b*tch! I'm always yelling! I'm Samuel Goddamn Jackson!
Susan: (Shocked) b*tch?
("Samuel Jackson" grabs Susan and throws her from the plane) (imdb.com)


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