I had an instinct before and maybe now I don`t have that instinct as much as knowing what to do, what shots to hit, where to place the ball, things like that.
Tennis is what I do and is part of who I am.
What I want out of tennis is not necessarily just winning.
People want to hear what I have to say and respect what I say.
To win Grand Slams you have to be in the right frame of mind, the right physical shape.
I`m just happy to be playing and to have the results I`ve had. If nothing ever happened from here on, I still feel I`ve had a noteworthy career.
But, you know, I just want to play well and have fun playing well.
You know, I`m confident before I go out and play a match that I know, you know, I`ve put in the work and like I feel confident that I am going to go out there and play well.
I`m happy with what I`ve done but it`s a challenge to try to win more.
It wasn`t my tennis that made me lose, it was a lot of different things going on, high drama, high emotion.
It doesn`t matter whether I qualify or wildcards.
Now a lot has changed and I can separate a lot of things.
This is the hardest thing I`ve ever done. The rehab has not gone as expected.
Yes, I made mistakes by rebelling, by acting out in confused ways.
I know there is much mystery, much question to what happened, and I must also say, many lies.
Coming back after the layoff, I wasn`t really sure what to expect.
I do still have some of the experience from playing, but it`s been so long since I`ve been out in those quarters, semis, finals, the important final matches, just against the top players.
I mean, obviously, a lot of people know me around the world. Kids know me.
Let me say that the path I did take for a brief period of my life was not of reckless drug use, hurting others, but it was a path of quiet rebellion, of a little experimentation of a darker side of my confusion in a confusing world, lost in the midst of finding my identity.
I feel like I`ve started a new chapter in my life, and I need to leave the past behind.
I mean, I feel like just a new person completely.
I was an emotional basket case.
I just want to get to the level where I can say that that`s my level, just try to play well, get up there.